by Guest Blogger on January 27, 2012
I am a new mom. No, I’m not a first time mom, but I am a new mom.
When I had my first child, I decided she was a low down, manipulative, selfish brat. If you can imagine, at 3 weeks old she cried when she wanted to eat! The nerve. OK, perhaps I’m being a little dramatic but the truth is, I was way too hard on my first child. She was born during my PG (pre-Grace) days so because I hadn’t yet accepted God’s grace in my life, I had none to give her. I’m thankful she was actually a pretty easy baby overall and I’m trusting God will keep any bad baby memories far from her recollection.
Besides reading Tim Kimmel’s book, Grace Based Parenting, God has used our church to really shape our understanding of grace. One thing we hear often from the pulpit is that we are more sinful than we ever could imagine or admit to anyone, and God is more gracious than we could ever hope or imagine. This thought reminds me that I am not as awesome, or selfless, or generous as I thought. And the more I learn how inadequate I am, the more I see of God’s holiness. I causes me to fall in love with the Christ who made the ultimate sacrifice. This is the Gospel.
As a parent, I need the Gospel more than ever. I recently had our third child and while the initial transition wasn’t too bad (hello happy hormones!) we hit a wall around the 3rd week. My husband was in the midst of semester finals, and because he works for a large delivery company, he had to be at work earlier and earlier as the Christmas season causes an increase in shipments. I was on single Mom duty more hours than I wanted to count. I found myself spending much of each day saying things like “Stop that!” or “Quit that!” “Don’t scream at your sister.” “Stop telling your brother what to do.”
“NO” seemed to be all I was capable of saying. By the end of the week, I was about ready to pull my hair out when my dear mother volunteered to take the 2 older children for the weekend. Hallelujah. Although I love my children, I knew a break from them was just what I needed. The first morning without them, I spent some time asking God for a way to be more Gospel centered and grace filled with my children. I hated that I had been focusing on their outward behavior all week, while spending no time on their heart, all the while having one ugly heart of my own. I had been reading Philippians in small bits and pieces on my iPod while I fed my baby in the mornings and God reminded me of Phil. 1:27 which says “Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ . . .” God reminded me to simply live my life in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. So although I have little to no time to study the Bible or pray, I try and ask God each day for the strength to parent my children in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. When I’m acting out of impatience or when I’m only reacting to their outward behavior, I’m not taking care of their hearts. It’s the worst thing I could do as their mother.
So now I am a new Mom. I’m working hard to be a Gospel centered Mom. For me that means I preach the Gospel to myself as much as possible. When I pray with my daughter after I discipline her, I also pray for myself because I know I’m prone to disobey too. It means that I have grace with my kids, and grace with myself, because we all need it!
What about you? What are some things you do to remain Gospel centered in your home? How do you mentally keep the Gospel at the forefront of your mind throughout the busy parenting day?
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The Seminary Wife. Julie Masson no longer spends her days living life on a seminary campus. But she is striving daily, along with her husband to thrive, not just survive in this graduate school life phase. It’s no easy task with 3 small children. However God continues to mold her and provide amble opportunities to put Grace Based Parenting into action. Julie is passionate about helping others see the peoples of the world through eyes of Grace and she does this by working part time at The Upstream Collective (blog.theupstreamcollective.org) a group that helps churches think and act as a missionary.
by Guest Blogger on January 25, 2012
One of today’s greatest challenges for men is teaching our own sons what it means to be a man. I was raised in the Judeo-Christian work ethic and taught that I should work hard to become a good provider for my family. Seems easy enough. But my father had a disadvantage that I don’t have – he didn’t know Christ as his Savior and Lord. Following Jesus changes the rules because it changes the outcome of our lives. (My father did give his heart to the Lord later in his life.) In many respects, being a man is as much about what you teach and model for your own family as it is about how you live in front of the rest of the world. And while our sons are directly impacted by the modeling we provide – shaping their own views and habits by our own life, I firmly believe that my example will be a light to my daughters in choosing the man with whom they will share their lives.
We had some neighbors who were having family struggles – they were a blended family and starting to have kids of their own. The issue was he was never around and she was run ragged with the needs of a young son and their 2 young daughters. My wife convinced me to go have coffee with the husband. Tom was your typical man – his goals in life were quite normal – earn a lot of money, have a lot of fun, be a good provider. I wasn’t really sure where to start so we discussed a few of the struggles that men face and, seeing where I was going, he cut to the quick. He said, “Peter, you and I are very different. You are altruistic and are doing things for others that most people don’t do. I’m solely consumed with making as much money as I can so my family can live a comfortable life.” He was partly correct, we are very different and he did want to make a lot of money. But when he left his wife and kids a few years later, he made sure that he kept all the money and put his wife in the position to care for her 3 kids with very little resources and support.
This is the lie, and while Tom is an extreme example, being a man – the family provider, is an elusive goal. It’s elusive because we haven’t properly defined what we should provide. Tim’s book, Basic Training for a Few Good Men, really helped me dial in what it means to be a man and thus what I should provide to my family – my wife, my sons, and my daughters. First and foremost, I am a child of God, drafted into God’s army. As a follower of Jesus Christ, it means that I go where He is (or would be). My wife and I decided our personal ministry was to bring kids that come from hard places right into our home by fostering kids in need of a family. I had to figure out a way to bring the front lines of Christ’s battle to my young kids. There is no better training for life than real life experience. If I want my kids to see the power of God at work, the only way to do that was to make sure they had the chance to see Him where He is doing His best work – helping the lost, forgotten, the abandoned in their need. And through these precious kids my own children have seen my wife and me lean on Christ during the hard times – pounding our hearts out in prayer for the kids we have loved and lost. Moreover, our kids have seen that there are people in the world that have needs greater than their own and anyone, no matter how young or experienced, can call on the same power to meet those needs.
I used to worry about the effects of bringing a child into our home, having my kids fall in love with them, only to have them ripped from our hearts later on. But I don’t worry about that anymore. I’ve re-defined what it means to be the family provider. It means giving my kids the opportunity to put into practice everything they learn in Sunday School. It means giving my kids a chance to see the face of Jesus in those in need. It means so much more than earning a living and giving them a home – because their home is temporary and I want their eyes to be focused on eternity and not the next pay raise, new car, or nicer house. I want to provide an example to my kids of a foot soldier working in God’s army, bringing His Kingdom to those around me.
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Peter Bartolini is a member of Family Matters’ board of directors and is part of our Speaker Team. He and his wife Julie have been foster parents since 2004. They have 3 children, Natalie- age 9, Morgan- age 8 and Sammy- age 6. They currently have the blessing of an 11 month old foster care placement living in their home and bringing them joy daily. Since they became foster parents, they have had 19 foster kids in their home and look forward to many more! Peter blogs at http://peterbarto.wordpress.com/
by FM Staff on January 23, 2012
by Darcy Kimmel on January 18, 2012
I am the “keeper of the stuff” in our household. I think most moms are. For some reason, everyone assumes that I know where their stuff is. And the sad part is, I usually do. I’ve got files with everyone’s social security cards, their birth certificates, their report cards and diplomas, and more files with their first drawings, their prized school reports and some of the cutest handmade greeting cards you’ve ever seen.
Recently, I was up retrieving some of this stuff for one of our children who, by the way, no longer even resides at our house but still keeps some of his stuff there, when I came across a book that used to be one of his favorite childhood reads. I sat down on the edge of what used to be his bed and read through the book myself. And as I did, I tried to remember the last time he and I had sat together side by side and enjoyed that book together. I knew where we would have sat but I could not remember when because on that particular day, I didn’t realize that would be the last time.
For some reason, when the opportunity came again, he had gotten too old for that book and eventually too big to sit beside me as I read to him.
There is going to come a time, and for many of us it has come and gone, when we all will do something for the last time with our children.
A last time on our lap,
A last hand picked bunch of flowers from the neighbor’s yard,
A last hand drawn picture for the refrigerator,
A last “at bat”,
A last camping trip,
A last “daddy when I grow up I want to marry someone just like you”,
A last chance to cheer from the sidelines,
One last full body hug,
One last day before they say goodbye as they go off to college or to serve their country and on to make their own home.
Those are sacred moments and they sneak up on us and are over before we realize the significance and finality of them. I know in the craziness of raising kids, it might be hard to value the seemingly mundane daily actions with your kids. But take it from a Mom who would give anything to relive some of those moments, you might want to sit back and savor those experiences. Because when it comes to those special times with someone you love, you never know when that time will be the last.
Here’s to celebrating the firsts and savoring the lasts.
Love,
Darcy
I am a new mom. No, I’m not a first time mom, but I am a new mom.
The Seminary Wife. Julie Masson no longer spends her days living life on a seminary campus. But she is striving daily, along with her husband to thrive, not just survive in this graduate school life phase. It’s no easy task with 3 small children. However God continues to mold her and provide amble opportunities to put Grace Based Parenting into action. Julie is passionate about helping others see the peoples of the world through eyes of Grace and she does this by working part time at The Upstream Collective (blog.theupstreamcollective.org) a group that helps churches think and act as a missionary.
