Family Matters Blog | A Parenting Blog with Parenting Advice

GIVEAWAY | February Resource Highlight – In Praise of Plan B

by Karis on February 3, 2012

This year is the 30^th anniversary of Family Matters. That’s right folks! We’ve been at this thing for three decades now! We have met so many wonderful people, partnered with some great ministries like Focus on the Family and Family Life, and God has used our efforts to touch the lives of countless families with the message of His grace. Praise the Lord!! One of the ways we would like to celebrate what God has done in us and through us is to highlight one resource a month as a way to familiarize you with what Family Matters has to offer in order to minister to you better.

From the dustcover:

“If you travel far enough in life, you’re sure to run into some detours. Detours that sidetrack the smooth-running dreams you always envisioned and leave you someplace you never intended to be.

If you’re not careful, you can easily grow disillusioned or disappointed at the loss of Plan A. But best-selling author Tim Kimmel, who declares himself, “the patron saint of Plan B,” is here to help you turn Plan B into Plan Best!

In Praise of Plan B offers memorable, often humorous gems from Kimmel’s own experiences as well as others’. The people you’ll meet in these pages have all encountered life’s various roadblocks, yet they still found a way to soar above it all. You can too!

Here you will find touching, inspirational wisdom for every facet of life, showing you that the Plan B you were forced to settle for will ultimately yield a richer, more rewarding life than Plan A ever could have.”

We think you will love this collection of vignettes as much as we do. The book is arranged as a compilation of short stories. They can be used as part of devotionals and bible study groups, are a great family dinner time read and make great gifts! It’s so important to talk with our kids about how our “Plan A” is often different from God’s plan for our lives. What may seem like a detour from our plan is often God steering us in His direction, rather than our own.

And the best news??!!! We want our Family Matters Blog readers to have a chance to win a copy of In Praise of Plan B!

Like all of our giveaways, you have to do a little something…

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In it to WIN IT:

*One entry per person per method of entry. Be sure to enter a separate comment for each method of entry (one comment for Facebook, one comment for Twitter, etc.). This way you have a higher chance of winning.

1. COMMENT: Leave a comment on this blog post telling us about a time when God turned a “Plan B” into a “Plan Best” in your life.

2. TWITTER: Follow Family Matters on Twitter – just copy and paste this message into your tweet Hey! @Family_Matters is giving away a copy of their Feb Resource of the Month – #InPraiseofPlanB!

3. FACEBOOK: Like Family Matters on Facebook.

4. EMAIL/RSS: Sign up to receive our blog updates via Email or RSS feed.

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Giveaway ends Friday, February 10th, 2012. Winner is chosen randomly and will be announced here as soon as they’ve accepted the prize. Good luck, everyone!

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31 Days of Prayers for your Children {& DIY Prayer Book}

by FM Staff on February 1, 2012

For those of you who “Like” Family Matters on Facebook, you’ve probably seen that we’ve been posting 31 days of prayers for your children throughout the month of January. Now that those 31 days are complete we figured we’d provide them all for you in an easy to print/bookmark/pin fashion.

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Day 1. Compassionate

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12

Day 2. Contented

“I know what is is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength” - Philippians 4:12-13

Day 3. Courageous

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

Day 4. Decisive

“So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us stop passing judgement on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.” – Romans 14:12-13

Day 5. Dependable

“Whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the LORD your God with your own mouth.” Deuteronomy 23:23a

Day 6. Diligent

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” – Romans 12:10-13

Day 7. Enthusiastic

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” – Colossians 3:23

Day 8. Faithful

“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.” - Proverbs 3:3

Day 9. Generous

“Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.” – 1 Timothy 6:18-19

Day 10. Gracious

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” - Proverbs 15:1

Day 11. Helpful

“And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues.” – 1 Corinthians 12:28

Day 12. Honest

“A truthful witness gives honest testimony, but a false witness tells lies.” - Proverbs 12:17

Day 13. Hopeful

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Day 14. Humble

“…to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.” – Titus 3:2

Day 15. Joyful

“Be joyful always; pray continually.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

Day 16. Just

“He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” – Micah 6:8

Day 17. Kind

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” - Ephesians 4:32

Day 18. Loving

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” - 1 Peter 4:8

Day 19. Merciful

“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” – Luke 6:36

Day 20. Obedient

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” – Ephesians 6:1

Day 21. Peace Loving

“Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.” – James 3:18

Day 22. Persevering

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” - Hebrews 12:1

Day 23. Prayerful

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6

Day 24. Pure

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” – Psalm 51:10

Day 25. Respectful

“Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.” – 1 Peter 2:17

Day 26. Responsible

“For each one should carry his own load.” – Galatians 6:5

Day 27. Self Controlled

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring looking for someone to devour.” - 1 Peter 5:8

Day 28. Self Disciplined

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

Day 29. Servant’s Heart

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:9

Day 30. Thankful

“Rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” – Colossians 2:7

Day 31. and always remember GRACE

“For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.” – Romans 6:14

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DIY 31 Days of Prayers for Your Children Book

Don’t worry – this is a VERY easy DIY project. All you’ll need are scissors/paper cutter, ribbon/binder ring and white card stock.

Simply Download the One a Day Prayer Book Here.

Upon downloading the document you’ll see that each page has 8 smaller pages on it that will need to be cut out into 3.5″ x 3″ sections (essentially each day will have it’s own page in your completed book).

Simply cut out all of the pages and bind them together with a ribbon.

So easy… and such a great resource to have on your bedside table, desk at work or even at the kitchen table.

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Winning the Battle but Losing the War | A Plea for the Souls of our Daughters

by Tim Kimmel on January 30, 2012

Most people get nervous when someone evokes a war metaphor in order to frame the essence of a current issue. Women especially. It’s so … “far-right American” to some and too … “Walker Texas Ranger” to others. Wars are about life and death; ultimate winners and desperate losers. I’m with you on this. Normally, I try to avoid defaulting to the heavy artillery types of words when talking about something I’m passionate about. So, if I’m choosing to default to them now, there might be a huge reason.

I’ll give you some.

But first, let’s step back and smile a bit on behalf of today’s women. I remember when the Women’s Liberation Movement started. There are always misguided passions that muddy up all movements, and because of this, some people can’t get past the mud to the core of the issue. If you’re still stuck in that mud and can’t see the bigger point I’m trying to make here, then, well, that’s sad. But the Women’s Liberation Movement started because of the disparities between the two genders when it came to educational opportunities, sports options, financial parity in the marketplace, and the way the laws leaned if a marriage fell apart. For the record, there were a lot of other influences (besides the Women’s Liberation Movement) that helped bring about the better options women enjoy today—including Christian influences. Girls being born today have so many more advantages going for them then their mothers or grandmothers ever had.

That’s the good news.

But there’s an underbelly to all of this hoopla that may have just left this new generation in even worse shape. In the process of working overtime to help women achieve a greater destiny, the new freedoms and demands also brought with them a creepy, toxic set of distorted expectations of what a young girl should look like, think like, and act like on her journey to adulthood.

Basically, girlhood is pushed to look too much like womanhood (really messed-up womanhood, I might add). When you look behind the frontload of the story with the accelerated reading skills, Title IX options, and higher college graduation statistics there’s something sinister lurking in the shadows. I’m talking about the sexualization of our young girls.

T-shirts for 4-year-old girls saying “Scratch and Sniff”.
Fitted tops for 6-year-olds with epitaphs like “So many boys, so little time.”
Anchor tenant stores in our malls selling padded bras and thong panties to young girls who don’t yet need a bra with slogans like “Wink-Wink” and “Eye Candy.”
Shorts for 10-year-old girls with a hand print on each butt cheek.[i]

The extreme version of the theft of girlhood would be “Toddlers and Tiaras.” But most people can figure out what a dope of a parent you have to be to throw your little girl into that shark tank. I wish I could say the same for the less obvious but equally undermining options still allowed by too many parents—even if they don’t take the bait of the blatantly sexualized clothing or the “T and T” route.

And let’s at least introduce the elephant in the room. Some moms see their beauty fading when they put on their make-up in the morning. The nippers and tuckers have done all they can do. Gravity has proven to be too stinking strong. Unless you want to look like a well-intended but poorly done embalming job, the fights over. Oh, but one thing she’s still got going for her is the vicarious life of youth and sexual appeal she can live out through her little girl. I can’t leave dad out of this equation, because he’s sometimes just as complicit in encouraging young daughters to sacrifice their young-girl’s life by watching her walk out the door to school dressed like an understudy for a waitress job at “Hooters” and doing nothing.

Thus my war analogy. A half a century ago, some people decided to fight for the rights and opportunities of women. They won a huge amount of that battle. But in the process, we may all have lost the war for our daughter’s dignity, worth, and honor.

Maybe we need to draw up new battle plans. We fought for their intellect. We fought for their paychecks. Maybe it’s time we fight for their souls. And may I suggest who needs to lead the charge: the fathers, brothers, grandfathers, and uncles of our young girls. Mom obviously plays a key roll in this—always has and always will. But we need the gender that all of this garbage is designed to pander to, to stand up in the gap and say “Enough is enough!” And it’s not just about protecting them from something toxic, but also encouraging them towards something noble, right, and good.

“We who are strong ought to bear with the failing of the weak and not to please ourselves.”

Romans 15:1

“Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

2 Timothy 2:22

So, what do you think? Is this an overstatement, or do you think that the effects of the sexualization of our daughters are as serious as I do? Leave a comment and let us know your thoughts!

[i] My thanks to Pastor/Writer Tim Wright for the information on these clothing items.

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I Am a New Mom

by Guest Blogger on January 27, 2012

I am a new mom. No, I’m not a first time mom, but I am a new mom.

When I had my first child, I decided she was a low down, manipulative, selfish brat. If you can imagine, at 3 weeks old she cried when she wanted to eat! The nerve. OK, perhaps I’m being a little dramatic but the truth is, I was way too hard on my first child. She was born during my PG (pre-Grace) days so because I hadn’t yet accepted God’s grace in my life, I had none to give her. I’m thankful she was actually a pretty easy baby overall and I’m trusting God will keep any bad baby memories far from her recollection.

Besides reading Tim Kimmel’s book, Grace Based Parenting, God has used our church to really shape our understanding of grace. One thing we hear often from the pulpit is that we are more sinful than we ever could imagine or admit to anyone, and God is more gracious than we could ever hope or imagine. This thought reminds me that I am not as awesome, or selfless, or generous as I thought. And the more I learn how inadequate I am, the more I see of God’s holiness. It causes me to fall in love with the Christ who made the ultimate sacrifice. This is the Gospel.

As a parent, I need the Gospel more than ever. I recently had our third child and while the initial transition wasn’t too bad (hello happy hormones!) we hit a wall around the 3rd week. My husband was in the midst of semester finals, and because he works for a large delivery company, he had to be at work earlier and earlier as the Christmas season causes an increase in shipments. I was on single Mom duty more hours than I wanted to count. I found myself spending much of each day saying things like “Stop that!” or “Quit that!” “Don’t scream at your sister.” “Stop telling your brother what to do.”

“NO” seemed to be all I was capable of saying. By the end of the week, I was about ready to pull my hair out when my dear mother volunteered to take the 2 older children for the weekend. Hallelujah. Although I love my children, I knew a break from them was just what I needed. The first morning without them, I spent some time asking God for a way to be more Gospel centered and grace filled with my children. I hated that I had been focusing on their outward behavior all week, while spending no time on their heart, all the while having one ugly heart of my own. I had been reading Philippians in small bits and pieces on my iPod while I fed my baby in the mornings and God reminded me of Phil. 1:27 which says “Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ . . .” God reminded me to simply live my life in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. So although I have little to no time to study the Bible or pray, I try and ask God each day for the strength to parent my children in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. When I’m acting out of impatience or when I’m only reacting to their outward behavior, I’m not taking care of their hearts. It’s the worst thing I could do as their mother.

So now I am a new Mom. I’m working hard to be a Gospel centered Mom. For me that means I preach the Gospel to myself as much as possible. When I pray with my daughter after I discipline her, I also pray for myself because I know I’m prone to disobey too. It means that I have grace with my kids, and grace with myself, because we all need it!

What about you? What are some things you do to remain Gospel centered in your home? How do you mentally keep the Gospel at the forefront of your mind throughout the busy parenting day?

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The Seminary Wife. Julie Masson no longer spends her days living life on a seminary campus. But she is striving daily, along with her husband to thrive, not just survive in this graduate school life phase. It’s no easy task with 3 small children. However God continues to mold her and provide amble opportunities to put Grace Based Parenting into action. Julie is passionate about helping others see the peoples of the world through eyes of Grace and she does this by working part time at The Upstream Collective (blog.theupstreamcollective.org) a group that helps churches think and act as a missionary.

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Being a Man

January 25, 2012

One of today’s greatest challenges for men is teaching our own sons what it means to be a man. I was raised in the Judeo-Christian work ethic and taught that I should work hard to become a good provider for my family. Seems easy enough. But my father had a disadvantage that I don’t have [...]

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Family Matters Spring Event Calendar

January 23, 2012

We can’t wait for all of the great events that are on our Family Matters Event Calendar this Spring! Be sure to check below to see when we’ll be in your city… March 2-4 FamilyLife Weekend to Remember Appleton, WI **** March 10-11 Good Shepherd Community Church Pulpit Boring, OR **** March 16-17 Raising Truly [...]

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Love, Darcy | There is going to come a time

January 18, 2012

I am the “keeper of the stuff” in our household. I think most moms are. For some reason, everyone assumes that I know where their stuff is. And the sad part is, I usually do. I’ve got files with everyone’s social security cards, their birth certificates, their report cards and diplomas, and more files with [...]

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To Tebow or to TiVo … THAT is the Question

January 16, 2012

It was Saturday afternoon. Most of the people in the country were already putting themselves in position. Grills were getting fresh tanks of propane. Beverages, both adult and otherwise, were starting their slow, steady chill in coolers of ice. Best friends were arguing over whose house would be the rallying point for watching the game—based [...]

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I Will Change History!

January 13, 2012

Our world is in desperate need of a few parents that will stand up, raise their Braveheart sword and scream… I WILL CHANGE HISTORY!! My friend Melissa has struggled with alcohol for much of her life. Her lowest point was when she was drunk in the middle of the afternoon, passed out while taking care of [...]

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The Postmodern Parent | The Postmodern Push for Pre-Modern Religion

January 11, 2012

Vintage is so in right now. As a kind-of-hipster parent, I have even caught myself buying vintage toys for my son. Whether it’s the old wooden blocks, the classic jack-in-the-box, or a good old fashioned rubber ducky, I tend to be more inclined to get him something if there is a bit of nostalgia attached [...]